It is a blessing to be needed, but as a mother, carrying it all can be overwhelming and leave me feeling drained. I may cross off things on my to-do list, but often, it comes with a price. 

It cost me: 

• Emotions
• Energy 
• Engagement 

Hustling to feel validated in my work as a mother took my emotions to a place of resentment and bitterness, leading me to believe the lie that no one appreciates all that I do. 

Overextending my ability cost me my energy; the idea that if I didn’t get the laundry, floors, dusting, kids’ schedule, work, and quality time with my husband, among all the other items not listed, I wasn’t doing it right, depleted my energy…I was left exhausted, a shell-like version of myself. My body was pleading for me to take a day to rest.

Lastly, my engagement with others was not sincere; it was a checklist interaction where “OK, I played with kids today” or “checked in with my neighbor” today, but I did not mean it. It was not genuine or sincere; it was done because it was an obligation and because it was on the list. 

I wanted to break away from this unhealthy cycle and not feel depleted entirely at the end of my to-do list. I wanted to enjoy what I was doing, feel a sense of accomplishment, and methodically or diligently check off my list rather than rushing through it. I wanted to feel joy in the daily tasks that make up life. 

So, I changed a few things. 

I check in with my emotions regularly, especially when I feel myself well up with anxiety or start to feel overwhelmed. I took a few deep breaths and asked what was necessary today and what I could move to tomorrow or later in the week. 

I made my energy a priority, which often meant going to bed earlier than usual or putting my phone on “do not disturb” at 8:30 pm and putting my phone on the charger for the rest of the night. It was a test of self-control, but the night without two hours of mindless scrolling (not shocking) was 100 times better without my unhealthy habit. This led me to think, what else do I do besides phone scrolling before bed that does not add to my daily health and energy? 

I made my engagement purposeful. I looked at my list of to-dos and negotiated what was necessary, and it is time with people you love. I put my phone up and left the laundry unfolded while we played Candyland. I took dinner to a neighbor and sincerely asked how they were without rushing back to the house to “keep going.” 

Sometimes, the urgency creeps back in but is quickly reminded of the story of Mary and Martha from Chapter 10 of the gospel of Luke. As Martha hurries around to ensure all the preparations are done, Mary sits and listens to Jesus as he speaks. Martha can’t think past the cooking and cleaning, her “to-do” list. Martha finally has an outburst of frustration, “Lord, do you not see me?” How often have we had the same emotional flares with our loved ones? Jesus calmly replies, “Martha, you are worried and upset over many things, but only one thing is needed.” 

I see so much of Martha in me, but with Jesus at the front, at the center, and in my heart, I can unnaturally take on the posture of Mary. I cannot sweat the small stuff, relinquish my precious and overzealous list to Him, and let Jesus be the center of the details. 

What is robbing your attention from Jesus today, and are you allowing bitterness and frustration to sink in? 

“Lord Jesus, we are in a busy, non-stop culture. Let me rest this season; help me say no to what may distract me from you. Lord, I ask for strength to fix my eyes on you during a season with so many events and activities on the calendar. Help me be like Mary and less like Martha. Don’t allow bitterness to seep into my heart, but make it joyful and full of your intentional purpose.”  - Amen.